Much to nobody’s surprise, I’m not one for making resolutions, and I’m definitely not one for keeping them. This stems from a promise I made my freshman year of college to fast for seven days. After like, thirty-six hours, I was shoving food in my mouth because I couldn’t concentrate on anything other than the fact that I was hungry. I thought to myself, “God doesn’t care if I make a promise to him and break it. Grace, y’all.”
After scarfing down a Natchez panini from Jackson’s, I went home and did the whole ‘flip a page and put my finger down in the Bible’ trick. NO LIE, I landed on this passage: “When you make a vow to God, do not delay in fulfilling it. He has no pleasure in fools; fulfill your vow. It is better not to vow than to make a vow and not fulfill it” (Ecclesiastes 5:5-6).
Lord as my witness, that is a true story. I cried for hours.*
I didn’t fast again until the beginning of last year, when I lasted for a full seven days, completely fulfilling my vow (praises). Ever since then, I’ve made a point to not promise much of anything, especially not to God, unless I’m sure to follow through. That being said, I decided to make a few resolutions this year. I landed on four and I think that’s an achievable number so I’m sticking with it.
1. Be discipled by someone that isn’t my mom or best friend.
This is sort of in my control, but not really. I’m just hoping that ‘discipling Savannah Ellis’ is some cool woman’s resolution. Plausible, right?
2. Disciple more people.**
Once again, this is sort of in my control but sort of isn’t.
3. Learn to pray. Really pray.
Not the talking-to-God-throughout-my-day kind of praying. I want to learn how to more intimately be in God’s presence, how to be more sensitive to his voice. And I don’t know if this takes practice or more faith or tragedy or studying. But I currently have the attention span of a mouse and would like for that to change.
4. Be present.
Since my friends are graduating in May and I’m graduating (Lord willing) in December, my natural inclination is to look at the next step. What am I going to do in January? Where does God want me to go? Grad School? England? North Korea (!!!)?
I’m fighting that, though, and attempting to let tomorrow worry about itself. Instead of
freaking out, crying to my parents, literally shaking worrying the next ten months away, I want to be present. Present to my friends, my church, my school. I want to trust that God will let me know what to do when I need to do it, and maybe not a moment sooner. Until then, my only job is to be present.
Now that these are publicized, I feel a sense of responsibility.
Fingers crossed, guys! Talk to you in 12 months.
*Not that this comes as a surprise to anyone, either.
**Don’t worry, Ali. You’ll always be my first!