on anticipation, and knowing who you’re going to marry after the first date

I wrote this in August of 2015. The irony and joy and fulfillment of this anticipation is awesome, as I get married to this man in sixty-something days. God is faithful and keeps His promises.

I am currently sitting in a friend’s living room in Atlanta, anxiously typing out my feelings and patiently waiting for Todd, the man I think I’m going to marry, to get himself out of traffic and (finally) pick me up for our second date. I would get into the whole “I-think-I’m-going-to-marry-him-after-one-date” thing, but he’s supposed to be here in 12 minutes and I want to describe the feeling I have as accurately as possible.

I am so excited, so giddy, I could throw up. I’ve tried on four different outfits and changed my hair from braided to straight to half-up to a pony tail. I can’t stop thinking about what this date might be like. What conversations will we have? I can’t wait to see him. Is he what I remember him to be? When we talk on the phone it’s one thing, but I’m nervous it might be different in real life. It’ll be the same when I see him face to face, right?

…right?

Everything jumbles around my heart like clothes in a washing machine and I realize this anticipation reminds me of something… A deeper truth I’ve experienced before. This uncontrolled giddiness. Beautiful hope. Stirring joy.

It’s what the entire universe is suspended in with every minute that goes by, as we wait for Christ to come get us. Come back already. I want to see You and look You in the eye and hold Your hand and be held by You and love You and be loved. I don’t want to wait anymore. I don’t care about traffic or the weather or what day it is, I want You to be here, with me, now.

My hands are shaking and my heart is dancing, but it’s not about Todd or me or whether or not we get married. It’s not about what his plan is for our date tonight. It’s not about my outfit or my hair or lipstick. It’s not even about the foreseeable future.

No. This moment is about Him. My love for Him. Our love for Him. His love for us. Hearts pounding, voice shaking, and thoughts finally on paper, we join with the universe as it holds it’s breath in anticipation for the doorbell to ring. He’s here. Finally, He’s here.

I just saw Todd’s car pull up in the driveway, and even the smallest taste of fulfilled hope is sweeter than words can describe. Here’s to cherishing glimpses of eternity. Here’s to taking the knife to our reality and escorting the Kingdom to earth. Here’s to all the echoes of heaven reverberating in each of our lives. Let us wait for Him with uninhibited giddiness and excitement and nauseating anticipation. He is coming.

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