Having been on both sides of terrible social media storms, I try to filter everything I post through these three questions. If you find yourself feeling “icky” after being online, try asking yourself these prompts.
1. AM I TRIGGERED?
The internet is a battleground of propaganda and provocative click-bait, so it’s natural to feel triggered by the intense visuals and divisive language we’re constantly bombarded with. It’s also normal to desire connection after experiencing an overload of information, especially if it relates to our own stories. Maybe that’s why we see videos or read articles and instantly share them— we want to divvy up the burden because it’s too much to bear on our own.
When the Kavanaugh hearing was happening a few years ago, I was super triggered (although I didn’t realize it at the time). I was triggered because of my history of sexual abuse. I was triggered by the power dynamics. I was triggered by the ways God was being represented. It felt similar to my story even though it was entirely different, and it was hard to discern past from present. Was my unresolved trauma showing up? Was there actually something wrong?
Instead of reaching out to my therapist and community to process what was happening inside, I reacted by searching for connection online. Every article I shared should have been titled, “Please connect with me. Please tell me I’m not crazy. Please tell me I am seen. Please tell me I am loved.” I don’t regret using my voice, but if I could go back, I would’ve come from a more centered place. You want to share online, Savannah? Sure thing. Just make sure you process it with your real-life community first. That way if the internet blows up on you, you won’t feel even more isolated. Instead, you will feel supported.
I love online dialogue and I think it matters, but starting a conversation from a triggered place will never end well. Either you will dominate (troll!) someone else into submission as a form of self-protection or you will feel dominated by others and be driven into deeper loneliness. Use your voice and speak up about what matters to you, but from a centered place. That way, you’ll be able to see things more clearly!
2. AM I BEING LOVING?
If you wouldn’t say it to Jesus, don’t say it to someone on the internet. Using words like moron, idiot, crazy, lunatic, dumb, etc… just feeds into the dehumanization of others that deteriorates our own souls. Every human being on the internet has unsurpassable worth and is loved by God. There’s a passage in Matthew 25 that says, “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’” Jesus uses this story (vs 31-46) to illustrate how our actions towards one another are ultimately actions towards God. When we degrade another person, we degrade God. Another way to put it is in 1 John 4: “Those who say, ‘I love God,’ and hate their brothers or sisters, are liars; for those who do not love a brother or sister whom they have seen, cannot love God whom they have not seen.” Maybe a modern version would read, “Those of you who say, ‘I love God’ and hate people online are liars.”
Before you post, comment or DM, ask yourself: will these words honor the image of God in this person?
If not, don’t do it. No exceptions. Honor the image of God in Meghan Markle. Honor the image of God in evangelicals. Honor the image of God in Trump. Honor the image of God in your friends and enemies. It’s better for them not to feel judged. It’s better for you not participate in judgment.
3. DO I KNOW THIS PERSON IN REAL LIFE?
If you do, having a conversation in real life is an optimal option. Sitting across from flesh and blood has a way of disarming us. So if someone you know posted an article that hurt you, what if you bought their coffee and talked to them about it? Ask to hear their opinion and give them the dignity of having someone real listen to them. Maybe they’re desperately searching for connection, too? Share your thoughts. Express how it made you feel. Be humble. Be honest. Be kind. See what happens!
A few years ago, I posted something that unintentionally hurt a friend. They called me and said, “Can we talk about that?” I was sort of defensive at first and felt cornered. At that point, I subconsciously felt like words on the internet didn’t count as much as words in real life. Luckily, this friend was bold enough to bring the internet into a real scenario for me, showing how words on social media reach real ears and touch real hearts and hurt real souls. I am grateful for that experience because it showed me the value of having conversations over coffee instead of arguments in the comments section.
If you don’t know the person, refer to the “Am I Being Loving?” section. Encouragement is always a good idea. Unsolicited critique without the safety of relationship isn’t.
These three questions have helped me love people better and use social media more responsibly. There are many more questions to ask, I’m sure, but these have served me well for the last few years! I hope they do the same for you! Cheering you on.